It was a sunny day on Thursday, September 5 as I pulled out of our driveway in Bend, Oregon. Kim and I had said our goodbyes as she left for work. I had prepared for this adventure for over a year. This was the hardest part…actually getting in my truck and leaving on a two-month plus road trip.
The reasons were simple. I wanted some time to process 40 years of church ministry in four states: Georgia, Ohio, Alaska, and Oregon. Plus I needed to stay away from my former congregation in order to give the new pastor time to bond with the people. What would God teach me? How much of my life as a Christ follower was linked to my role as a pastor? How would this new chapter affect my prayer life? How was I to respond to a life where my role would not matter as it did before? How would this new identity affect my marriage?
These kinds of questions swirled in my mind as I embarked on this journey into the unknown. I had spent months working on my truck, a 2012 Honda Ridgeline. I built a steel rack out of unistrut for my rooftop tent. Four solar panels mounted to the roof of the cab charged a lithium-ion battery that powered a small refrigerator and charged my phone. A propane powered hot water tank provided showers and cooking water. A 13 gallon water tank kept me hydrated. I built two cabinets with drawers, one for my clothes, and the other for my cooking needs. My ebike was folded and stored in the truck bed under the rooftop tent. I took lots of tools, first aid supplies, bike parts, and an extra sleeping bag for cold weather. I was ready.
But was I ready emotionally? Leaving Kim would be difficult. There would be periods of loneliness and discomfort. I was interested in answering this question. How much comfort do I need (want) in retirement? After years of backpacking and hiking, much of it in the north Georgia mountains, I was very familiar with the value of discomfort. One time I walked into the mountains on the Appalachian Trail on a solo survival trip. I took no provisions or equipment. I have to say that it was a much different experience without gear, one that I draw upon to this day as a source of strength and peace.
Now that this journey is finished my reflections have yielded these insights.
1. Discomfort can be good
The first night I spend with my brother, Brian, in Colorado at 10,000’ was the worst night of the entire trip. It was also my first experience with a panic attack. Thunderstorms, temperatures in the 30’s, and thin air caused me to feel trapped.
I have new respect for people who suffer from breathing difficulties or those with overwhelming anxiety. Even though this mantra was unable to comfort me that first night I knew that all would be well. My job was to pay attention to the discomfort and simply be with it for the moment.
2. Secular vs Sacred
In our Western world we love to put things into categories. We do this with people as well. One distinction that has not served us well is separating the secular from the sacred. In the interest of purity we believe that God is present in churches more than in the world. Religious people work hard on their belief systems. Our beliefs are better than your beliefs. Religion becomes distorted when it is based on this idea that one group has the real truth about God.
O my! God is everywhere! In the bison of Yellowstone, the ranch lands of eastern Oregon, the deserts of Utah, the mountain ranges of Colorado, the prairies of Kansas, the farmlands of Wisconsin, the small towns of Ohio, the treed mountains of Appalachia. In two months I only attended Sunday church 3 times. All of nature became my church!
3. Simple acts of kindness matter
As a pastor I confess to a certain amount of “leader weariness.” The gift of retirement is that people are no longer clamoring for my attention. I am left with the question, “Who am I as a child of God who used to be a pastor of an active church, but no longer?”
It was Sunday morning and I awoke in my camp sandwiched between the Colorado River and the cliffs of Moab, Utah. I decided I would do church on a hike. I asked a family in the parking lot of the trailhead for a garbage bag. They eagerly obliged when I said I wanted to pick up trash along the trail. So I spent the morning walking, praying, and picking up trash.
Later at that same camp guys were finishing a 30 mile mountain bike event. Most ran out of water on the trail. There was no water at the campground but I had a 13 gallon water tank. So I spent the day being the unofficial water station for bikers with parched throats.
God showed me that while I am no longer leading a congregation with multiple ministries, I can focus on simple acts of kindness. This is my life now, and it feels very good.
4. I like being with me
I discovered that I really enjoy travelling alone. I recall the sense of excitement as I left one place visiting with family or friends. The open road was calling and I embraced it, even when Kansas winds ripped my rooftop tent apart. It was just God and me on the prairie figuring out how to proceed when the hardtop shell covering my tent was shredded by the strong winds. I didn’t panic and faced the situation as it was. In a nearby town a detour took me by a Harbor Freight store where I bought a tarp and bungee cords to lash down the tent. After a day’s drive I had all the tools needed to make the repairs. A tarp company in Salinas, Kansas, interrupted their work to make me a custom heavy duty tarp which actually worked better than the hard shell. Thanks be to God.
5. God’s creation still takes my breath away I grew up in Ohio and spent time in Georgia. But I have to say that I could spend the rest of my life just exploring the beauty of the western U.S. The Grand Tetons were spectacular. I camped in the backcountry outside Jackson, Wyoming on a gurgling river. I marveled at the geology of Utah and hiked up to Delicate Arch in Arches National Park. Everywhere I drove or hiked I asked questions about how this scene came to be. I wracked my brain trying to imagine the movement of the earth over millions of years. I read every sign that tried to educate me about the sight before my eyes.
Everywhere I went my eyes beheld the beauty of God.
6. Family and friends make the journey rich
There was an interesting interplay between hitting the road knowing I was going to see family or friends. Every 3-4 days I had planned to visit folks. My first stop was in Walla Walla, Washington to see good friends, Ann and Ellen. Then a stop in Baker, Oregon to see Don Hanna, an old friend from seminary who operates a cattle ranch. It had been 38 years since we were together.
A highlight was camping with my two brothers, Tim and Brian, at Molas Lake Campground near Silverton, Colorado for 10 days. It had been decades since the three of us spent time together. The last time we nearly burned down a campground in South Carolina. This time we just hiked and sat by the fire and talked. Then it was time with an old Alaska colleague, Jim Campbell, in Beulah, CO. And my cousin, Steve Beckett and his beautiful family in Baraboo, Wisconsin. My brother’s family in Waynesville, Ohio and my wife’s family in Dayton and Sidney, Ohio.
My two sons flew from Anchorage to Columbus where we experienced an Ohio State football game in the rain. Then we drove to Orangeburg, SC to visit my parents.
By this time I was ready to head home and set off on a westerly route through the South. I got to see Paul Christman, a professor in performance arts at Oklahoma University. Paul was a teenager in my youth group in Sidney. We hadn’t seen each other for 38 years!
What I learned was that I could be in ministry wherever I traveled with whoever I saw. In Atlanta an old friend needed me to listen to the story of his spiritual journey. My parents needed me to hear their struggles with growing old. A couple needed me to remind them of the bond they had left when they moved from Oregon to Arizona. My aunt and cousin needed me to understand how they were dealing with a divorce and a death in the family.
God showed me that ministry does not need to be formalized and set within the context of a congregation with me as their pastor. It can happen wherever I am.
Final thoughts. Oh, I had better answer your question about the title of this piece: Bridges Ice Before Roadways. Do you know that this sign is posted at every bridge in this country? I don’t know why but seeing it numerous times every day became a tad annoying. Do people really need a reminder at every bridge, especially when a freeze may come along once or twice a year?
When it comes to experiencing God’s grace on the journey of life, do we need constant reminders? Probably so. After 9000 miles and over two months I can say that I need to be reminded of the deep joy and peace that comes with a relationship with God in Jesus Christ. And I am especially grateful to my partner in life and ministry, Kim Beckett. She grew some with this experience and we are closer for it. My role has changed in terms of how I relate with the United Methodist Church. But my identity as a child of God is still my primary identity. And this I will take with me into my life beyond my last breath on this earth! Let the journey continue!
I am so glad I built a week of being home with Kim. I blew out the irrigation lines, changed her tires, covered the camper and several other to do lists. Enjoyed making name plates on wood with my new CNC machine. Made one major mistake on the church welcome center sign which bummed me. Kim reminded me that we are about grace, not perfection. I seem to recall hearing this recently.
Flying back to Chicago late Saturday night. Wonder how I will do on a red eye.
Got to visit my cousin, Steve Beckett, who is a retired veterinarian in Baraboo, WI. Rode motorcycles 100 miles through the rolling dairy farms. Like riding in a Hallmark card. Changing leaves added so much. Went to their UM church for dinner and met the pastor there.
Walked their two dogs in a nearby state park and got to know his 3 granddaughters. Left Saturday morning to drive 3 hr to Chicago and flew home.
Drove through the farmlands of northern Illinois and into Wisconsin. Got to a nice state park in Wisconsin Dells and the fees were $46 per night. Found a lovely motel for $39 in the Dells. This area is packed with entertainment venues, theme park, river cruises, and shopping.
A bit of road weariness led me to a cheap hotel in Peoria, IL. No natural campgrounds and I refuse to stay at a cramped RV park surrounded by giant rigs. I think the weariness may be due to the fact that the scenery does not change: flat farmland for miles. Perhaps the cumulative effect of being on the road for a month as well. Gives me a chance to catch up on computer work and repair the tent.
Today was the day for hiking part of the Ozark Trail. I hiked two and a half miles and turned around and returned to camp. I made way for several mountain bikers as they zipped down single track trail. The sun was creating shafts of light through the the green canopy. I was struck by the lack of animal life in the forest. I did not see a single squirrel or bird. I do not see a single snake which made me happy. I made friends with a man named Daryl from St Louis. We enjoyed checking out each other's camping rigs.
I left Harry Truman State Park and headed south east to experience more of Missouri's natural lands. I must say that some of Missouri's back roads are very twisty and hilly with speed limits that are much too high. I entered Mark Twain National Forest and settled in a campground that was free. At least this campground was not empty and there are several other campers around. I met one man and we had quite a lengthy conversation about camping and our rigs. I prepared chicken and dumplings freeze dried with some grapes and a bit of wine and crackers. It's been a great day. And I'm ready to retire.
yesterday was an interesting day in terms of things not working out very well. I am out of cash and stopped in town after town to see if I could get some cash at another Credit Union. No luck and no cash yet. Then the campground I intended to stay was closed. Here was my dilemma. I despise RV parks. But there was one available and they took my credit card but I decided to push on. Several campgrounds were closed. I am now in the backcountry of the Ozarks just wandering around. I even thought about going up to a house and asking if I could stay on their farm for the night. I pressed on towards Harry Truman State Park. Behold, they took my credit card and gave me a site with electric power for $15! Thanks be to God!
Got my custom cover installed just in time for a big storm headed this way from the west. This means I'll be driving with the rain tomorrow towards Kansas City. Hoping to land at a campground at Lake of the Ozarks near Clinton, MO. Thanks, Salina, for your hospitality.
I said goodbye to Ulysses, KS and headed east in very strong southerly winds. About 25 miles out the wind ripped and shredded my hard top cover over my tent. It took me 45 min. dealing with the high winds to cut the pieces of the shell and stuff them into the truck bed. I limped into Garden City, KS and got a tarp and bungee cords at Harbor Freight, and went on my way.
Stopped near McPherson, KS at a boondocking campground. Sheltered from the wind but very hot. Being alone in an unsupervised campground at dark was a bit unsettling. Didn't sleep well but felt good that the tent still worked without the cover.
I survived a sleepless night alone in a remote campground. Drove 15 miles on a dirt road which felt a bit sketchy. I spend the morning removing all the hardware from the broken hard shell. Then I cut it up into pieces to toss in the dumpster, and drove 30 miles into Salina, KS.
Here I went to the library to access their internet. Found a tarp company that specializes in custom tarps for farm applications. They will make a heavy duty custom cover for me for $82! Had to get a motel while they rushed it for me. I'll install the old ratchet strips on the new cover so it will secure to the tent frame. It does feel good to shower and sleep in a cozy bed while watching the Bengals on MNF!
It is Saturday, Sept. 28. After observing a historical committee meeting with Jim about the Dotson cabin relocation I drove through the prairie of eastern Colorado to Ulysses, Kansas. This town of 6000 has a nice park with free tent camping! Thank you, good people of Ulysses. On the other hand their credit union was not helpful, and their library was closed on Saturday. The wind whipped my tent most of the night. Think I will stay here one more night. Tomorrow is supposed to be windy and in the 90's. The weather is a major factor in where I travel.
I am visiting old friends from Alaska, Jim and Maggie Campbell who live in Beulah, CO. What a wonderful time to catch up and reminisce. Jim is doing important historical research on a family who lived here in the 1870's. I hope to visit this valley again someday. Idyllic.
After a decent night's sleep we awoke to build a fire and hang out in the morning sun. We said our final goodbyes, took a picture, and same some meaningful things to each other. I drove the scary road one last time and headed to Durango. Highway 160 was beautiful with winding roads through valley ranch land. Wolf Creek Pass was spectacular. I drove through Alamosa and headed out into the desert country for some boondocking. The sunset was brilliant and the stars were even more amazing.
Today was my last night at the hostel. I drove out to camp and hung out with Tim and Brian. They went on a hike while I reorganized my camper truck. It was good to climb back into my roof top tent.
Yesterday was cloudy and chilly. We sat around the fire a good chunk of the morning. Then we hiked more of the CT (Colorado Trail). Found some firewood and returned to camp for a fire and lunch. Brian has become quite the firewood gatherer. As soon as a camper leaves he scampers to their site to retrieve any leftover wood. Haven't had to buy any so far.
We ate dinner in Silverton and enjoyed just being together. Thanks be to God!
Isn't it amazing how bright sun and nice weather can affect our outlook on the day? I drove to camp and the three of us hiked into the mountains (above treeline) for 3 hours. The climb was gentle and the views were breathtaking. Great brother conversations about everything from politics to religion to memories of growing up together. We haven't done this in 20 years. Hope it isn't our last.
Drove into Silverton to get food for Tim and dinner at the Avalanche Brewing Co. Walked around town in the 62 sunshine and Facetimed with our parents. God is good!
Yesterday was a blue bird day and Brian and I hiked for 2.5 hr through open meadows, spruce forests, and rocky outcroppings. It did manage to do us in and we both napped a bit sitting in the sun at camp. Tim's flight was delayed but I was able to drive into Durango to pick him up in the evening. It was a bit hairy driving the mountain twisties with no guard rails and 800 foot drop offs. Brian had a nice fire going and we gathered together...the three amigos.
Finally got some decent sleep in a warm bed in the hostel in Silverton. Woke up to frost on my truck. Amazing what a hot shower and warm bed can do for the soul. I'm driving back to camp where Brian and I will drive to Durango to pick up brother, Tim. Going to be a good day. New every morning is your love, O God.
Yesterday we moved to our next campsite on Molas Lake, near Silverton, CO. This improved our spirits as we set up a more "permanent" camp. Drove into Silverton (10 min) to explore. We ate pizza and took home a box. Enjoyed several short hikes. Still no decent sleep. Not sure what is going on.
Miserable night with thunderstorm, cold, and thin air. Experienced my first panic attack. Couldn't breathe, felt trapped. I have new empathy for those who face these experiences. Not much to do but talk and take short hikes. The country is spectacular.
This morning I break camp near Moab and drive to Colorado to meet with my brother. Yesterday was laundry day. I watched a movie, Peanut Butter Falcon which was good. I had my church picking up trash along the highway. Wonderful time in Utah.
Spent the day exploring Arches National Park. Learned more about geological time and uplift forces.
My campsite is at the end of a 30 mile bike event. People were exhausted and out of water. So I became the unofficial water supplier with my 13 gallon water tank. This is what I mean by wanting to be the presence of Christ in the world. Simple acts of grace.
Yesterday I drove from Vernal Utah, and squirted through Colorado and some fantastic scenery to Moab, Utah. I couldn't believe my luck. I found a campground right next to the Colorado River with 15 sites. I got one of the last sites at only $10 per night. Three nights here will enable me to explore Arches National Park, the city of Moab, and the beauty of the river.
I'm in Vernal, UT for a second day. Got caught up with some video and coaching work. Highlight was a 6 mile trail ride on my ebike in perfect weather. Had some hairy moments negotiating large rocks and bumpy trail. Made me think about the line between safety and risk. This experience reminded me of my rappelling days when I needed some risk and adventure in my life. Guess I still do.
Thank you, God, for a body that still moves and a brain that works.
I'm in Naples, Utah, in the heart of dinosaur fossil country. The 2 hour drive from Rock Springs, WY was spectacular! So much variety of topography. Walked a nature trail to learn about aspen trees. Checked out Flaming Gorge Dam. And nearly got my truck stuck in the mud on a back road. Anticipated camping in Vernal, but the hosts were not there. Found a Best Western for $6 more than the camp fee! So don't feel sorry for me for the next two days.
Woke up in a cheap motel in Rock Springs, WY to more rain. Nice thing about wandering I can just check the weather map and drive to the sunny parts of the country. Did not sleep well in a king bed last night. Looking forward to my rooftop tent tonight, wherever that will be.
One of my goals was to stop in a town and spend time getting to know it...visit libraries...attend community events...maybe even a church! What I am discovering is that few towns actually have natural campgrounds. Oh they have RV parks but my idea of fun is not being squeezed between two giant RV's. So I am spending a day or two in Rock Springs, WY at a cheap hotel! Gives me time to shower, clean, and power up my devices. And this is enabling me to post on my blog.
After a miserable night in Yellowstone due to the cold and rain, I headed south. The Grand Teton National Park was magnificent. I stopped in Jackson Wyoming for lunch and to regroup. The weather was nice so I decided to disperse camp just about 30 miles outside of Jackson. I found a most beautiful mountain scene with the river by it and spent the rest of the day. I explored, sat by the river and read my Bible. I was so tired that I went to my bed about 6 p.m. and did not arise until 9 a.m. the next day. The best sleep I've had since I began this journey.
I'm in Yellowstone National Park. Yesterday was no fun driving in heavy rain all through Idaho. Fishtailed some with all the water on the road. Saw one car spin around 360.
Contemplated skipping Yellowstone but decided to do it. Cold and wet is never fun, but it is all part of the journey.
I'm in declo Idaho. Drove from Baker City Oregon past Boise and Twin Falls. Don told me about an ice cream parlor in a small town that has the best ice cream in Idaho. So I detoured off the interstate 10 found it. It was very good and worth it. I did not get to see young clergy friend in Twin Falls which was disappointing. Experienced pretty heavy thunderstorm activity during the night. But I finally got some decent sleep. On to Yellowstone.
I woke up this morning before 6 on a ranch and Eastern Oregon. A seminary classmate of mine, Don Hanna, reached out to me and I stopped by to visit with him. We had not seen each other for 37 years. it was great to catch up with him and learn about his area of the state and the history of Native people and the Oregon Trail. They fed me delicious hamburgers from their own cattle. Today I head east through Southern Idaho.
It is day 2 of this journey. I left home in Bend yesterday and drove to a Walla Walla Washington. Except for a headache it was a great drive and I spent the night at the home of Ann and Ellen and last night. We had dinner with David and Juli. Juli is the pastor of Pioneer United Methodist Church here in Walla Walla. After a tour of Walla Walla today I will hit the road head to Oregon to visit more friends.
Departure Day is Sept. 5, three weeks from today. It's amazing to think I will kiss Kim goodbye, get in my truck, and head out on a three-month odyssey! Sometimes I think it has been more fun planning and dreaming and preparing than actually doing it! Crazy, right?
As D-Day approaches I am filled with different emotions. One is fear. I fear the unknown. Recently I camped in a remote area of the Cascades with no one around. As darkness descended I didn't know if my anxiety was connected with wild animals or crazy people. It was clear I was vulnerable. Thank God for prayer and peace.
That's what I expect on the road...experiences where I will depend on God. May this be so for you on your life road.
This past Monday was my official first day of retirement and I must say that it is a weird feeling not to be working. For 45 years I have held full time jobs as a teacher and pastor. Since I announced my retirement last August I have known this day was coming. I even set up a countdown timer on my computer and on my office white board! But it is one thing to prepare for a future event when it has not happened. I have spent much time preparing the congregation at Bend, making gifts for the staff, organizing files for Pastor Jen, and cleaning the office. But July 1 was still a future reality. Now that it is here I am living, not with the hope of a future day, but I am in the future right now. The future is now the present.
It occurs to me that some of us do better thinking and planning for a future event than actually living into it. I'm not saying this is me, but I am a dreamer. And dreamers always think about the future. My spiritual challenge is to learn to stay in this present moment with all its new rhythms and discoveries. For the present is exactly where I experience the holy grace of God.
This is my first post on this site in 5 years. Just because I will no longer be preaching does not mean I won't have creative moments. Word, photos, and videos will show up here. For now check out some clips I took recently at Silver Falls State Park in western Oregon.
Dave
